Ayodhya Verdict

With barely a day left for Ayodhya Verdict, the entire nation braces itself by intensifying the security measures in communally sensitive cities and towns of Uttar Pradesh.  But the Ayodhya dispute is a long and winding saga which started long back before  December 6, 1992, when the masjid was demolished or even before night of December 22, 1949, when the idol of Lord Ram was placed in the mosque, following which hundreds of Hindus arrived and started offering prayers. It all started on January 19, 1885, when a legal petition was filed by Mr. Raghubar Das whose appeals were rejected by Faizabad courts.

The outcome of the verdict will be decided by two key questions: to whom the disputed land belongs and was there a pre-existing temple? It is quite clear that the disputed land is a waqf property. The placing of Shri Ramchandra's idols in 1949 was an illegal act and the fact that 1992 mosque demolition took place in front of hundreds of policemen, is a blot on India.

I agree that it's most unfortunate that a masjid should have been built on the land specially held sacred by the Hindus. But as it occurred 356 years ago, it is too late now to remedy the grievance. Razing of the mosque and destroying the God's house was even more wrong and two wrongs dont make a right.

Some eminent historians also doubt the authencity of Lord Rama. Whether Lord Rama was actually born on the disputed site or whether a temple was demolished by Babar to make way for Babri Masjid, not even a single person involved in the demolition ever had a way of knowing the answers to the above questions.

I strongly disagree that the reclamation of Hindu heritage is dependent on reclaiming every bit of rock, twig, and dirt that is rumored to be sacred or belonging to Hindus. If thats the case, then the entire nation should be razed down.....What Babar did, Portuguese also repeated. Temples made way for churches, people were converted to Christianity forcibly and I'm sure that many more unaccounted atrocities might have been committed .......But no extremist outfit has any right to try changing the history and put innocent lives on stake by trying to do so.

No one can deny that Babri masjid was a national monument (it was designated as one in 1904). A monument is the legacy of the nation and its future generations. It teaches valuable lessons. Unfortunately, due to a radical Hindu mob, the monument no longer exists. Despite the Supreme Court’s ruling that no one should touch the mosque, the rioters literally tore the mosque apart by hand.

The long delayed Liberhan’s investigation concluded that the demolition was planned by BJP leaders Atal Bihari Vajpayee and LK Advani. The report told nothing new, only a truth which everyone had known for long, that the then Indian government purposefully terrorised its citizens for political gains as elections were just round the corner. Isn't it a shame that the man who led this frenzy from the front, Mr. L.K Advani, went on to become the Home Minister although his P.M aspirations were mercilessly crushed. Quite rightly so! And I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the verdict to be in favour of Muslims so that Mr. Advani can go down in history as a singularly failed leader, with no creditable acheivement of his own. Not even a trivial one - of getting a temple constructed on a muslim land.

Its high time the government must stop behaving like an NGO by not letting its authority fall into the hands of street goons and the judiciary should restore the faith of its people by giving a verdict which is free from the fangles of religion by entirely being based on the facts....they failed the nation 18 years back, they should not let us down tomorrow.

Essence of a woman

Essence of a woman is rather an interesting topic to write on and I want to say thanks to that very dear friend who suggested that I shall write it from my point of view. 

Essence is defined as the individual, real or ultimate nature of a thing and all the elements that make up the essential nature of its being. Essence of a woman (or a man for that matter) is like essence of a perfume…. too much of it and you choke and a small whiff delights you..

I once happened to read a poetry, a part of which Im quoting here:

WOMEN love self-sacrifice
Suffering and good advice;
If they don’t love these sincerely
Then they’re not true women really

(Oh Really!!!!! Sheer baloney)

On International Women’s Day, women were described as the epitome of selfless sacrifice and silent suffering. Seriously, I have never heard anything funnier than this!!! To me, it sounds like those countless self-effacing heroines Bollywood cinema and T.V Soaps churn out!!! It’s a shame that media chooses to portray women in unrealistic ways till now and some day,  I would like to meet the advertising heads of the fairness creams brands, according to whom the true essence of womanhood lies in being fair skinned or being beautiful….Is it so? Thank you very much….!!!!

Since I was specifically asked to write on the subject matter based on my own experiences, I will stick to it.  I was born a girl – petite and precious– at least to my parents – but was never allowed to forget by people around me (mostly women, what an irony) that I lack something really important in order to be successful as I was a dusky child and didn’t really fitted into conventional beauty parameters.

 What was the result? I became desperate to fit in.  I felt ashamed and worthless. As a result I spent my life covering myself up, making mistakes....   If only I could go back...

But, was that fair?? A woman is grown, not born. Never!!!

Society put me into a box which defined me as a woman then, because I met certain physical criteria.  But, I found myself being overwhelmed by the confines of these boundaries and ever eager to become the perfect woman.  There is so much pressure to be the perfect woman – which, in my mind, translates to having the perfect body with extreme outer beauty and being the perfect daughter, sister, wife, mother and career woman. If one steps out of these boundaries, one is dismissed, ridiculed – and rejected.  Then one feels an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt.

I’m not alone in my plight….I have come to know many women who share the same dilemma as to why a woman is supposed to be perfect, flawless…..Smiling through her pain, her angst? Why can’t a woman be imperfect…more like a human?

I had the good fortune of receiving the best of education (thank u Mom and Dad) and interacting with the best of minds  who taught me some valuable lessons about the true essence of being a woman…

1.   Physical traits: I realized that being a woman is about a state of spirit – mind, heart and soul – and it has very little to do with the physical body. 

2.   Two sides of personality: I dont live in denial and I understand I have a darker side to my psyche .... its very much a part of me. I can relate to the suffering and vulnerability of others.  I have an innate need to reach out to others and make a difference to this world. At the same time, I can’t suffer for others. I understand that my first duty is towards ME….and I refuse to glorify suffering and self-sacrifice. I can easily put a knife through someone’s chest without batting an eyelid, if that’s the only way to my happiness and yet at the same time, I go out of my ways to help people out.

3.  Being feminine: I believe that a woman can never have too much perfume or too many flowers or too many diamonds.  I love jewellery, clothes and shoes.  I try to live with grace, poise and dignity to the best of my ability, even if I’m accused of being vain.

4.  Being sensual: In my view, sensuality is about so much more than just a stereotyped – and often overrated – physical act. Being sensual is about being able to speak the language of love.  To be attractive, a woman must use words (intelligent ones), charm, wit, playfulness, sweet talk and laughter to transcend the gifts of nature. 

5.  Being emotional:  I cry when I'm happy.  I cry when I'm sad.  I cry when I'm angry.  I cry when I'm in love.  I cry when I'm hurt.  Mostly I just cry tears of awareness.  I don’t need a reason to cry.

6.  Making mistakes and taking risks. I make mistakes ..... Lots of them and I would like it no other way. They make me stronger and every mistake introduces me to a new facet of my personality. It’s the never ending thrill of self-discovery which I can never trade for anything.

7.   Being resilient:  I know that I have strength of character that can stand up to most.  I have the ability to adapt to change and overcome adversity and I don’t always win.....so what, no one does either.

8.  Perfection: I realize I'm not perfect and perhaps will never be. I'm not complaining.... being perfect means reaching the destination, and right now I'm enjoying the journey.....a journey called life. 

9. Dare to be different...... rules make life boring. It’s my life so isn’t it fair if I should decide the rules too.....why give others the power? If I fail doing something I love, I take solace in the fact that I made my choice and gave it the best shot....

So, in my view, its a combination of personality, passion for life, intelligence, opinions, sense of humour or wit, interests, self awareness are few things that define essence of being a woman.  Do your own thing, gal and celebrate this beautiful enigma known as womanhood !!!!

Fashion Etiquettes for Men

Fashion is defined as the prevailing mode or style, especially of dress; custom or conventional usage in respect of dress, behavior, etiquette, etc.; particularly, the mode or style usual among persons of good breeding (Courtesy : Google, what else!!!).  

Im a fashionista and for me, fashion is an expression...a means to communicate , therefore its sad to see that few men take fashion seriously. In my opinion,  it's a shame, because clothes do really maketh a man.

Its a misnomer that fashion is exclusively for fairer sex and therefore, men dont have much of a reckoner to follow. In my view, having a good fashion sense always comes in handy, especially at the workplace and during social events and being fashionable means to be able to mix up the fashion math on different days instead of packaging the same look every day.

Fashion doesnt necessarily means spending a fortune on designer labels and pricey, flamboyant accessories. It neither means following fashion trends blindly. There is something funny about trends, they come, they go and then come back again. Fashion means knowing your body shape, your best features, your skin tone and choosing appropriate clothes and accessories that flatter the wearer.

 Fashion Etiquettes for men:

1. Wrong tie: Its surprising to see how many men get this wrong, when its actually quite easy. A tie should match your eye colour. To make the fashion mathematics fun, incorporate hair or skin color to blend tastefully. And textures do matter. Its advisable to invest in silk-blend ties as they look elegant and reflect light with sophistication without  putting you out a ton of money. They are low maintainence  also, as they are easier to clean, more unlikely to stain easily and last longer.

2. Oversized/undersized clothes: Clothes should emphasize your best points. It really doesnt matters what build you are : tall or short, thick or thin, stocky or lean, what matters is you understand what types of clothes accent your most desirable features best... along with which clothes best hide your undesirable features.

3. Being a copycat: Get inspired, dont copy. Dont opt for the same fashions you see on your best friend or your favorite actor!!!!  Develop your own signature style. Identify  the color combination that works for you. Also, experiment with different fabrics like Linen, Khadi etc. Yes, they can crease easily but are extremely comfortable and look rich. The trick is to go for linen and Khadi shirts, instead of trousers. Come on, give cotton a break.  In winters, silk blended shirts are a good choice.

4. Wrong shoes: Choosing the right shoes can be tricky as wrong shoes can ruin a perfectly good outfit. Trust me, we, women notice the shoes that men are wearing almost immediately. All fashionable men should own a pair of black and brown leather shoes. A safe bet is to match shoes with your belt. A black belt means black shoes. Even if you're in a t-shirt and jeans, the rule still applies.  If you dont wear belts, try to pick a shoe that matches, or is darker than your pants.

In case you are wearing jeans, almost any color or style of shoes can be worn with it but its advisable to let the style of your shirt guide you, for ex : a sporty, polo shirt might work with a loafer; t-shirts go well with sneakers or retro-style shoes; long, artsy button-downs work well with sandals or contemporary styles.

5. Wrong Socks: If you want to know what color socks to wear, remember to match your socks to your pants, not your shoe. However, when you're wearing jeans, you should match the sock to the shoe. It's also important to match shoe style to sock choice. Dress socks for dress shoes. Athletic socks for athletic shoes.

6. Socks with sandals : Sandals with socks are the worst fashion crimes. Really, I just don't get it. If it's warm enough to wear sandals, just let your toes breathe. Otherwise, wear real shoes!

7. Skinny jeans: An absolute no-no. Wearing jeans that are too tight and/or with women's cuts is an unforgivable fashion offense. Steer clear.

8. Too much jewellery: No bling please, unless you are Bappi Lahiri. The thumb rule is to wear less than your lady. If you absolutely have to, then  keep it down to a simple gold chain, a ring (in case you are married or engaged) and a nice watch. Too many rings, earrings, and piercings are an absolute turn off.

9. Too much or too little of aftershave: An aftershave brand says a lot about your persona. Too much can make you look sleazy. Too little can make your odour the dominant one. Wearing aftershave is art of being subtle. The trick is to be aware of your own natural smell as scents tend to become a part of you and therefore its advisable to pick up a fragnance which blends well with your natural smell. Some of the options with which you can never go wrong are Armani Code, Hugo Boss etc.

10. Little or no attention to personal hygeine : Cuticles with tears, bitten nails, and calloused hands looks not only out of fashion but also careless. Exfoliation and beard trimming are a must to present a finished effect with new clothes and expensive fabrics. Bad breath is an absolute turn off and conversation killer, therefore its advisable to use mouth wash on a regular basis.  Also invest in some branded night repair creams and moisturizers to keep your skin soft and blemish free.

11. Fanny packs: Also known as hip-packs,  fanny packs are the worst accessory ever. Avoid them, at all costs.

12. Accessories Ignorance: Men's accessories have come a long way. A shiny dress belt and shirt studs can dress up a simple suit and casual loafers can take a suit down to a date level appearance. Invest in new kinds of laptop cases, in case you carry one. Coats, scarves, even hats can change a fussy look to simply well-finished. Also, investing in good quality eye shades is highly recommended.

13. Beau Gestes: Lastly, dont forget to polish your manners. Rudeness and arrogance, talking loudly etc are not good fashion accessories and are an absolute turn off. Keeping a close watch on your manners is highly recommended.  Rule of the thumb: If you wouldn't do something in front of a manager two levels up in your company of the opposite sex, don't do it at all.

         

Why CWG mess is not a shame for India.....

At an estimated budget of  U$6.6 billion, India is hosting the most expensive Commonwealth Games ever...2010 Commonwealth Games, even surpassing the previous games held in Melbourne 2006 (approx. US$ 1.1 billion). Now, isnt that quite an acheivement for a Third World nation, whose 85.7% of the population lives on less than $2.50 a day and  a majority of Indians have per capita space equivalent to or less than a 10 feet x 10 feet room for their living, sleeping, cooking, washing and toilet needs." and "one in every three urban Indians lives in homes too cramped to exceed even the minimum requirements of a prison cell in the US."

Three years back, the Hon' CM (Corruption Minister, errrrr pardon me, Chief Minister) of Delhi, Ms. Sheila Dixit had no time for any other work because she was devoting all her energies into Commonwealth Games preparations..but it seems Mike Hooper (Commonwealth Games Federation chief ) isn't very impressed with the preparations as "filthy" was the word he used to describe the physical conditions in the Games Village. Now now, Mikey, come on, wipe that smirk off your rotound face and answer this : What were you doing during this whole stretch of 3 years? There is no way you can avoid this moral resposibilty.

And all of you out there, screaming on top of your lungs that CWG is a shame and disgrace to India, come on, grow up!! For once in life, try and appreciate the sheer brilliance of Kalamadi and Co. They have tackled so many life threating  issues at one go, itself. CWG  being a major sports event watched by millions, provides theatre for terrorist organisations. It was to be expected that many terrorist organisations would have been tempted to explore the possibility of organising terrorist strikes during the Commonwealth Games but now, with ceilings and footbridges collasping every day , even they would be afraid for their preciou lives to set their foot anywhere near the CWG venue. No need to spend crores of rupees for safety of CWG .  Pure brilliance!!!!

On a serious note, CWG was always meant to be a vulgar show, a great money making idea for some and if Dixit says the Games are a boon for Delhi's  'development' then its sheer baloney on her part. Someone needs to tell her  that development means much more than pouring concrete and asphalt from high-speed mixers onto roads and pedestrian sidewalks. And its saddening to see how political elite equates pageantry with national glory.The  extraordinary pageant of the Berlin Olympics could not save the collaspe of Hitler's Germany, nine years later. A similar fate befell on Soviet Union after Moscow Olympics.

So, we can draw some comfort that all is not lost. India is much, much bigger than the sum total of our political class but we need to learn some serious lessons from the current pageantry . Its not a shame to India, its a shame to our leaders. And to all of them, even to the dimpled Prince....CWG could have been a perfect oppurtunity to showcase his leadership skills...he should have taken over from Kalamadi, once it was clear that the preparations were way behind the schedule and turn the entire debacle into success but alas, another brilliant opportunity lost.....What a shame!!!

With the Grand Prix due to take place in Greater Noida on the outskirts of Delhi on October 30 next year, we need to ask some real uncomfortable questions about our country's limitations and the need for such events....There is no dearth of legitimate claimants for  good money in 'real India'. In or outside Delhi. One can see millions of most genuine claimants. What has happened in the name of 'development' is an act of sin and while we shake our head in disapproval over the current mess, we should not forget the lessons learnt ............. As for CWG, the damage has already been done making India's passage to the high table on the world stage all the more difficult (Remember China Olympics)  and western world will play rough to humiliate us on CWG failure.....so what...."Munni badnaam hui................." but then again, unlike the games village, badnaam Munni looked good.

A Meaningful Life

One great question underlies our existence: Whats the purpose of our lives? Every individual, consciously or subconsciously, at certain stage of life, pauses to think about it......I have asked this one question to many people : strangers and friends, family and acquaintaces, siblings and foes, ignorant and wise and it all boils to one plain simple thing: happiness or contentment. Right from the moment of our birth, all we look is for happiness and contentment, no suffering at all....

I understand that the meaning of life lies in being happy or rather being content...but is being happy that simple? I once read an interesting story....an ancient philosopher alongwith several men and a pig were in a boat facing a storm at sea...while the men aboard displayed great anguish and concern and lost their manners bcoz of the fear, the pig showed superior indifference and serenity.....

The moral: Our conscience and intelligence are often a malediction. Our main source of unhappiness, grief and fear is our understanding of our weakness and misfortunes. In other words, our conscience destroys or diminishes life's meanings - satisfaction, happiness etc. Bible also points out to damned side of our memory and intelligence when it says : 'In much wisdom, there is much grief" and "One who increases knowledge increases sorrow"...

But can we deny our memories and our thoughts? Denying our thoughts would be equivalent to deny our dignity. As per Blaise Pascal, our dignity follows the diretion of our thought. So, isnt it better to be an unhappy and unsatisfied human being rather being a satisfied pig, better to be Socrates unsatisfied rather than a satisfied fool ?