Essence of a woman

Essence of a woman is rather an interesting topic to write on and I want to say thanks to that very dear friend who suggested that I shall write it from my point of view. 

Essence is defined as the individual, real or ultimate nature of a thing and all the elements that make up the essential nature of its being. Essence of a woman (or a man for that matter) is like essence of a perfume…. too much of it and you choke and a small whiff delights you..

I once happened to read a poetry, a part of which Im quoting here:

WOMEN love self-sacrifice
Suffering and good advice;
If they don’t love these sincerely
Then they’re not true women really

(Oh Really!!!!! Sheer baloney)

On International Women’s Day, women were described as the epitome of selfless sacrifice and silent suffering. Seriously, I have never heard anything funnier than this!!! To me, it sounds like those countless self-effacing heroines Bollywood cinema and T.V Soaps churn out!!! It’s a shame that media chooses to portray women in unrealistic ways till now and some day,  I would like to meet the advertising heads of the fairness creams brands, according to whom the true essence of womanhood lies in being fair skinned or being beautiful….Is it so? Thank you very much….!!!!

Since I was specifically asked to write on the subject matter based on my own experiences, I will stick to it.  I was born a girl – petite and precious– at least to my parents – but was never allowed to forget by people around me (mostly women, what an irony) that I lack something really important in order to be successful as I was a dusky child and didn’t really fitted into conventional beauty parameters.

 What was the result? I became desperate to fit in.  I felt ashamed and worthless. As a result I spent my life covering myself up, making mistakes....   If only I could go back...

But, was that fair?? A woman is grown, not born. Never!!!

Society put me into a box which defined me as a woman then, because I met certain physical criteria.  But, I found myself being overwhelmed by the confines of these boundaries and ever eager to become the perfect woman.  There is so much pressure to be the perfect woman – which, in my mind, translates to having the perfect body with extreme outer beauty and being the perfect daughter, sister, wife, mother and career woman. If one steps out of these boundaries, one is dismissed, ridiculed – and rejected.  Then one feels an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt.

I’m not alone in my plight….I have come to know many women who share the same dilemma as to why a woman is supposed to be perfect, flawless…..Smiling through her pain, her angst? Why can’t a woman be imperfect…more like a human?

I had the good fortune of receiving the best of education (thank u Mom and Dad) and interacting with the best of minds  who taught me some valuable lessons about the true essence of being a woman…

1.   Physical traits: I realized that being a woman is about a state of spirit – mind, heart and soul – and it has very little to do with the physical body. 

2.   Two sides of personality: I dont live in denial and I understand I have a darker side to my psyche .... its very much a part of me. I can relate to the suffering and vulnerability of others.  I have an innate need to reach out to others and make a difference to this world. At the same time, I can’t suffer for others. I understand that my first duty is towards ME….and I refuse to glorify suffering and self-sacrifice. I can easily put a knife through someone’s chest without batting an eyelid, if that’s the only way to my happiness and yet at the same time, I go out of my ways to help people out.

3.  Being feminine: I believe that a woman can never have too much perfume or too many flowers or too many diamonds.  I love jewellery, clothes and shoes.  I try to live with grace, poise and dignity to the best of my ability, even if I’m accused of being vain.

4.  Being sensual: In my view, sensuality is about so much more than just a stereotyped – and often overrated – physical act. Being sensual is about being able to speak the language of love.  To be attractive, a woman must use words (intelligent ones), charm, wit, playfulness, sweet talk and laughter to transcend the gifts of nature. 

5.  Being emotional:  I cry when I'm happy.  I cry when I'm sad.  I cry when I'm angry.  I cry when I'm in love.  I cry when I'm hurt.  Mostly I just cry tears of awareness.  I don’t need a reason to cry.

6.  Making mistakes and taking risks. I make mistakes ..... Lots of them and I would like it no other way. They make me stronger and every mistake introduces me to a new facet of my personality. It’s the never ending thrill of self-discovery which I can never trade for anything.

7.   Being resilient:  I know that I have strength of character that can stand up to most.  I have the ability to adapt to change and overcome adversity and I don’t always win.....so what, no one does either.

8.  Perfection: I realize I'm not perfect and perhaps will never be. I'm not complaining.... being perfect means reaching the destination, and right now I'm enjoying the journey.....a journey called life. 

9. Dare to be different...... rules make life boring. It’s my life so isn’t it fair if I should decide the rules too.....why give others the power? If I fail doing something I love, I take solace in the fact that I made my choice and gave it the best shot....

So, in my view, its a combination of personality, passion for life, intelligence, opinions, sense of humour or wit, interests, self awareness are few things that define essence of being a woman.  Do your own thing, gal and celebrate this beautiful enigma known as womanhood !!!!